I have a problem about sticking to schedules. It is not that I don’t stick to schedules. It is that I don’t like my schedules messed up. Maybe I am too much of a stickler to sticking to the schedule! Changed schedules throw me into an unbalanced, loss of control feeling. (Go ahead and laugh. I know nobody is really in control.)
A horrible thing happened recently—we had no phone or internet. This would have been just fine if my list of things to get done hadn’t involved so much use of those very important utilities. How did we get to be so dependent and affected by these?
I remember never having internet. I remember the phone hooked to the wall. I was rural. I found plenty to do. In fact, I didn’t use the phone much at all. Now if there is a blip in the internet, I get consumed with figuring it out. Why can’t I just walk away from it and get something else done? Am I the only one who fidgets this way?
When confronted with a rare day alone with no telephone or internet and a long list of calls and contacts to make, I had to readjust my plans. Oh, my goodness, that is hard for me to do. I don’t know why. Okay, so after some disorientation, I managed to work on items not dependent on the phone or internet. It is important to me to be productive. Even though I was getting work done, it wasn’t the work I had planned to do so I kept having this nagging feeling that I wasn’t accomplishing anything. Isn’t that the most ridiculous thing? I know. But that is the feeling I had.
After my husband got home and got everything hooked up again, it was time for me to make supper and all that so the day was gone, so I felt. There were some glitches to tackle because, of course, nothing can ever go smoothly. I still don’t know why I had problems with my laptop, which is my writing computer with all that is important to that segment of my life, but a few days later, we had it ironed out. Thank you, God, for that as I do not like it much when things aren’t working properly. I don’t really know why I react that way, but I do.
So, I guess I need to change my thinking to change my behavior. Changing takes time. You all better pray for me on this. If you understand, please leave me a note so I can know we have this in common.
Still all these feelings affect my behavior and my productivity. God probably is teaching me something here, but being a stubborn one, I’m not getting it yet. Maybe the lesson is that I am supposed to have Him order my day and find rest in Him no matter if my schedule is going my way or His way or whatever way it just happens to be going. Trust. Trust. Trust. I am hammering this into my head. I need to live by what is true not what I feel because feelings can be messed up as I mentioned earlier—feeling I wasn’t getting anything done when I was. I certainly don’t sit around doing nothing often. Of course, maybe that is a problem too. Maybe we are supposed to have moments of doing nothing. How can we ever rest if we never stop? How can we listen if we are always striving to get the next thing done?
I shall try to remember Matthew 11:28-30, which says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
How do you react to a change of plans? How do you combat your feelings and see the truth?